Rejection letters: I said NO
by Eirenei
Summary: Just for the kicks of it, a collection of Hogwarts or marriage law rejection letters from random multiverses for your entertainment.
1. FateStay Night - Archer

**_Rejection letters: I said NO._**

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 ** _Disclaimer:_** The letters are mine. The characters are not. All is well with the world.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Was entertained by the series of rejection letters and thought to try my hand on them, just for the kick of it.

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(British) Ministry of Insignificant Morons

 _ **[We]**_ are replying in lieu of one Liana nee Potter. Your idea would've impressed _**[Us]**_ _,_ if not for one significant oversight on your side in its execution.

You want the wife/least of _**[Our]**_ most useful (and recently succesful) Counter Guardians.

 _ **[We]**_ could've gone in the depths of other numerous faults _**[We]**_ 've found in it, - in fact, _**[We]**_ are ashamed that _**[We]**_ have to represent you as a part of our _**[Self]**_ and if it hadn't been for continued existence of this particular time-space continuum as it is - _**[We]**_ don't have an insane urge to write _**[Ourselves]**_ \- as in, the entirety of Humanity, past, present anf future - out of space and time just because of _one_ particularly pesky Law you've written - but _**[We]**_ feel compelled to give you both a chance and a warning.

Cease your greedy attempts to control Liana Potter - she is _**[Our]**_ leash/wife to _**[Our]**_ Counter Guardian EMIYA.

(The Unspeakables ought to have records about the Fall of Atlantis, and just this _once_ , _**[We]**_ will allow them to be read.

If you wonder why are _**[We]**_ pointing you to them - they are a _classic_ example just what exaclty happens to those who think kidnapping/trying to control EMIYA's wife is a good idea. )

In case you still _insist_ on enacting that law of yours, EMIYA stated that he would _happily_ erase your so-called _**[Merlin]**_ out of existence in the Throne of Heroes, along with other four arrogant upstarts that claim themselves to be Founders of Hogwarts.

To raise the chances of success, _**[We]**_ will gladly disable his E-rank Luck just this once and push it to _EX-rank._ Consequences?

You will simply cease to exist. Period.

Sincerely,

Alaya (Will of Humanity)

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 _ **PS:**_ I was _**NOT**_ amused upon receiving your demand. We've just returned from our three hundredth honeymoon (Shame Atlantis had to go _boom_ , but no one aside me gets my wife), and you still _dared_ to insist that my wife of four millennia marry some Root-forsaken _idiot_ who has less chances for survival than _Shinji_ out of all people does for amassing a harem?

If you still want to enact your foolish plan, I will gladly show you just what exactly a _F-rank_ Luck looks like - on your side of things.

Signed:

Archer, aka Not that prick with the Golden Gate (of Babylon) EMIYA.

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 _ **PPS:**_ I don't know whether to laugh or cry at your interesting invitation to _participate_ in revival of British wizarding population. My answer is a _**NO.**_ Insist any further and I will ask my darling pet Angry (aka Angra Mainyu) to... _spice up_ your lives in the most painful and humiliating ways possible.

Liana EMIYA nee Potter

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 _ **PPPS:**_ If I were you, I'd listen to her. Yes, her pet is a _**[God].**_ Deal with it.

Signed;

Archer EMIYA aka husband of Liana EMIYA.


	2. Pacific Rim - AU

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own. I just have too many ideas.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Okay, another one for your viewing pleasure, kind of an AU, but what the hell, let's go with it. This time it's crossover with Pacific Rim... loosely.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Language, not conforming to anything from the original timeline and oh yeah.

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Foolish humans,

You dare to take what is _**ours** ,_ we will find a way to open a warp hole and ensure the English portion of humanity won't have to fear Kaiju.

Sincerely,

 _Freedom Wing_

 _Omega Athra_

 _Lux Regis_

PS: The Kaiju will help too.

PPS: Harry had informed us that you barbarians don't even know what Kaiju are. Well, imagine your biggest, scariest and crankiest dragon and multiply that by hundred. The size, the terror and the temper And that's only _Category One._ Category Five is worse by factor ten. (Ask Muggleborns if you don't know what factor ten is, you lot of ignorant ignoramuses.)

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 _ **Afterword:**_ Harry somehow managed to land in the distant future in time when Kaiju and Jaegers reign supreme. By a sheer dumb luck - and a bit of magic - he managed to make three Jaegers sentient (think Transformers) and his Parseltongue was somehow enough to stop Kaiju in track and convince them to turn against their creators. Of course everything is not all fine and dandy, there are still rogue Kaiju roaming around, so Jaegers are still working overtime, but it's a little bit better when having some Kaiju on their side, too. When the letter came, Harry's pack was not all happy with the idiots who sent it, thus the response in question.


	3. Fate Zero - AU (Avalon)

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the characters. Letters, though, are a fair game.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Too amused not to post another one. Oh, and all those, if not explicitly stared, are the answers on the Ministry of Magic's stupid law of marriage.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Polyamory, someone is afraid of hubbies in steel, and legends are not what they were told to be.

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English Ministry of Magic of AD 1998:

It's extremely unwise to try and take away the collective wife of the Knights of the Round Table. Yes, we said _collective wife._

When we received your letter of summons we dearly hoped that it was just a poor joke of one of your incompetent employees. (Or at least Merlin's. The idiot never knows when to cease his pranks.) You can thank your oh-so- _venerable_ Merlin for his peculiar brand of humor.

(Yes, most of the legends about him are false. No, we are _not_ telling you which ones.)

Sir Kay has half the mind to come over and take claim of your Treasury. Sir Lancelot is willing to wage massacre on your people with _Arondight_ , and we won't even mention everyone's else, but rest assured, our sentiments are the same. The Seelie and Unseelie Courts are willing to call a temporary ceasefire and stomp you _stupid_ in the name of adopted daughter and honorable Princess of their King and Queen. (No, we don't know how _that_ happened.)

Our King Arthur was furious enough to promise – no - outright _swear_ on his honor that if you don't cease your foolish attempts, to use _Excalibur_ in its' _full_ capacity if you continue your dishonorable intentions.

And we _will_ support him. Don't think that just because we are _'dead'_ in your time the retribution won't come your way.

Signed:

 _The Knights of the Round Table._

PS: Dear Dumbasses. If you really want to go against them _\- don't._ They are terrifyingly vicious lot when concerning their wife. This warning is my thanks to you for unintentionally sending my precious little sister back to me.

(I am still suffering from her oh-so-inventive punishment for wedding her to her bunch of rabid bea – I mean, upstanding knights and devoted husbands.)

Soon to be a proud godfather of twins,

 _Merlin._

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 _ **Afterword:**_ Aways-a-girl!Harry had landed back in time when receiving Ministry's first decree for her marriage. (Potter's luck at it's finest, somehow.) Somehow, she gets favors of both Seelie and Unseelie Courts, and Merlin finds out that she is his little sister, the one who had mysteriously vanished some day. (James and Lily Potter are her adoptive parents, but nobody know that, because Harry has both their features.)

She lived with Merlin in Camelot, and was refreshingly different from usual girls, so the knights took notice of her in varying degrees.

Merlin was Merlin, unable to say no to a good prank, but something gets botched up, and instead of mistletoe enchantment, what actually happened, was some kind of a marriage bond between her and the 12 Knights of the Round Table. Neither pranked party is happy, but thing is, the bond wouldn't hold if there hadn't been a potential for good match and a honest attraction between Harry and the knights in question.

After the first round of anger the Knights (Arthur included,) accepted that little fact and moved on, even if they had to be discreet about it, but later on, all of them agree that mistake was the greatest stroke of luck (not that they would admit that to Merlin, the insufferable little bastard).

When the letter comes - magic can follow the source back, so Harry could be found that way, but it demands a very powerful enchantment or a phoenix to find that person - the Knights are _not_ happy.

( _Hint:_ They live in Avalon, a pocket dimension where High Elves adn other 'extinct' magical species retreated to when times changed, and because Unseelie Queen asked her to, Harry agreed to follow them. Her husbands, of course followed her. Time runs differently in there, and they are physically still in their prime, thanks to the Elixir the Seelie King had gifted to Harry for her... ahem, wedding gift.)

It's more or less Fate/Zero King Arthur's happy end, with King Arthur being male. On another note, historically speaking the original count of the Knights of the Round Table was 12, King Arthur included. Later versions greatly exaggerated that number, some even mentioning the hundreds and even thousands. I remained with the original 12 for the sake of my sanity.


	4. Fate Zero - Gilgamesh

_**Disclaimer**_ : I don't own the people starring herein.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Here again. I was kind of amused at the flame I've gotten from some anonymous guest for this series. Will it deter me from writing? Hell _no._ Will the letters get crazier? Hell _**yes!**_ :D

 _ **Warnings:**_ Gil's yandere tendencies lift their pretty little heads. Because he has too many of them when it comes to his precious little cinnamon bun of a friend.

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Mongrels,

How _dare_ you. How dare _you,_ you low life worms - no, worms are at least a little useful, but you parasites… you _dared!_ You dared to try and take my most precious treasure!

Those green eyes were created to look only at sharp tongue was made to talk only to me, to sing to me, and for me only to partake of its pleasures. This body was designed to be equal to mine, by the gods themselves and you still try and reach your unworthy, filthy hands out to touch this perfection you've had the utter _gall_ to _besmirch_ with wounds and scars?

I've seen what you have done to my beloved. I've seen the tears, the anguish and grief my beloved had to suffer because of your jealousy, greed and arrogance.

No more. No more, say I, the King of Heroes, Gilgamesh.

You've insulted my beloved, and in insulting my beloved, you've insulted me. And I shall exact the price for your transgression.

 _Enuma Elish._

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 _ **Afterword:**_ _**TheSamurai'sRose**_ gave me an idea (thank you, you saved Gil), and this is the culmination.

Basically, Harry is a reincarnation of Gilgamesh's best friend, Enkidu. I purposefully didn't use any gender here, even if Enkidu is said to be a man in original Myth, but in Fate series, he is extremely androgynous, to the point you would think that he was a girl.

The premise for this was that Harry somehow got to Gilgamesh - either in Fate/Zero timeline, or before, but the main point is, both of them meet, and Gilgamesh recognized Harry. (HP timeline after war) Those eyes are very unique, after all. Harry is Gilgamesh's greatest treasure, so Gil is understandably extremely incensed when they get the letter that Harry ought to return back to England's backward wizarding community to, ahem, _further_ their population.

Gilgamesh knows of Harry's life - with his infinite and unlimited treasury he _does_ have an access to something that can show Harry's little misadventures, and he is absolutely infuriated with the wizards. Because he is also very, very possessive - getting his friend back after he had seen him die for his mistake only amps up the possessiveness to the n-th degree, Gilgamesh is furious enough to _'borrow'_ Enkidu's Chains of Heavens - _**Enuma Elish**_ \- to teach those extremely foolish mongrels a lesson. So the last word was actually an activation phrase for the chains to unleash themselves. Those chains can not only bind, but they can change their shape into some kind of lances and whatnot, so they are extremely versatile. I leave the rest to your imagination.

(Ironically enough, in the original myth, those chains had been created as Enkidu's weapon to bind the Gilgamesh in, because Gil, before Enkidu came to berate him, was a terror to behold for humanity. But after Gilgamesh had befriended Enkidu, those chains were used for subduing Humbaba, the Great Bull of Heaven which had been sent to earth to destroy Gilgamesh's city because he dared to refuse goddess Ishtar's advances on the grounds of her being black widow to all her lovers.)


	5. KHR - Tsuna and Reborn

**_Disclaimer_** : I don't own those characters. I just derive an unholy amount of amusement from getting them in trouble, one way or another.

 ** _Shout Out:_** **_1eragon33_** suggested something with either Reborn or Tsuna, so they were the next vic - ahem, volunteers for this letter.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Tsuna is so _done_ with all this mess that he goes short and sweet route, like befitting the true disciple of Reborn. So, scribbling like a _don._

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Dear Ministry of Magic

Congratulations. You've just managed to do what I thought to be impossible.

You made Reborn, the World's Greatest Hitman _speechless._

For that alone, I was tempted to spare you from your fate.

But on the other hand, you've gone after Ravenna. Who is, if I may inform you, his legally-wedded _wife._ I don't care about your post-war population woes, but as best man at their wedding, I find myself morally and ethically obliged to point out that poaching away an already married spouse is a _crime,_ even more so, when you are gunning after _Reborn's_ wife out of all people.

In layman's terms: You don't have any leg to stand on.

Additionally, consider your agreement with Vongola from the year 1943 irrevocably terminated and expect the repercussions.

Regards,

Vongola Decimo

Tsunayoshi di Vongola

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 ** _Afterword:_** This is 10 years after KHR or something in that sense, and is post-Voldie mess in England. The Arcobaleno were unbound from their course (but still had to grow up some, growth) and Ravenna (female Harry) took a sabbatical in Italy and in a true Potter fashion, she found herself in the middle of a mess - unintentionally, of course - which was exacerbated even more when one included Reborn in the equation.

Long story short, Ravenna was unimpressed with some cocky 19-year old who tried to charm her panties off of her. Reborn doesn't do well with rejection either, so it was a war of who could out-stubborn who, much to Vongola's collective amusement. Varia just took bets on Reborn's love life. It didn't help that Xanxus out of all people somehow adopts her in his crazy little family.

(Shovel talk when Reborn came to get her for their date, but encountered Xanxus in her living room, was extremely _interesting_.)

Their whirlwind romance could be described in six words - Marry, Kiss, Push Off A Cliff, not necessarily in that order. Actually, she pushed him off a cliff first, then he tricked her into marrying him and only then, there was some kissing action involved.

(Some would dare to say he married he exclusively because she was the only person that dared to push him off a cliff just because he annoyed her.)

Tsuna became Reborn's long-suffering best man, while Ravenna's maid of honor was Luna who was coincidentally on a hunt of one or another of her strange creatures.

On that MOM agreement with Vongola in that auspicious year 1943. In short, you keep your nose out of my things, and I will keep mine. Vongola Ottava wasn't happy with Dumbledore's interference in her business, but for the sake of civilians agreed to let the sleeping dogs lie (Grindelwald had done massive damage to Vongola's forces, and when Vongola aimed to retaliate, there was Dumbledore in all of his 'Greater Good Glory' ™ who halted the avalanche that was Vongola's fury.

The unforeseen consequence of the binding magical agreement left Vongola with their hands tied and as such, the war lasted even longer than it ought to. Because Dumbledore acted on behalf of MOM at the time, the agreement pertained exclusively MOM and Vongola as such. Kind of a ceasefire agreement, if you will.) But with MOM sticking their greedy paws after a wife of Vongola's Chief Advisor (yes, Tsuna managed to wheedle Reborn into accepting it), the contract is considered null and void - Daniela di Vongola _did_ stick in a clause that said if any of her family and famiglia is attacked in any manner, then Vongola has a right to retaliate in any manner they deem appropriate. That can mean anything - material, people, money, so MOM had in essence dug itself a pretty deep grave.


	6. Supernatural - Crowley

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Supernatural. I don't own Harry Potter.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Yes, I've gone and done this one. Because it was interesting and I loved to make Crowley suffer. Mwahaha.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Suffering Crowley, there is love of pie, and Apocalypse is on hold. Just because.

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Dear Ministry of Inbred Morons,

Thank you for helping me win that little bet I had with Lucy. On the other side, Alistair is complaining your stupidity seems to be catching as his minions in contact with your lot seem stupider than normal.

Oh, and about your little marriage law. No. Nope. You don't get my adopted little brother to shackle him to some screeching harpy of your choosing just because you want overpowered little demons running around. Firstly, he's my little brother. Meaning I _do_ get some say in who will he marry. Secondly, he is already engaged to a delightful quartet known as Riders of Apocalypse. Morticia (yes, Death _can_ be a woman, so suck it) is merely the most possessive of the lot, not that other three are very far behind.

Please, for the love of all that's Holy - or un-Holy in my case, _stop_ with your missives. I would like to have at least _some_ of my minions in working order. Good help is so hard to come by nowadays and their wages literally take an arm and a leg to maintain.

That, gentlemen, was the carrot. If you persist, Alistair had generously offered his services in re-educating you lot ahead of your time. (He already stocked up on his supply of special ear plugs.)

Sincerely _not_ yours,

King of Crossroads

Crowley

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 _ **Afterword:**_ Harry's luck somehow landed him back at the Crossroads, where he met Crowley. Bored as he was, and curious of the ' _next great adventure_ ' he agreed to poke around Hell to alleviate his boredom. Cue meeting with the Riders - unknowingly he was engaged to Morticia by virtue of having her ring, and then the other three jumped the bandwagon too.

This is not set in any particular timeline of Supernatural because my knowledge of that particular series is woefully lacking. But suffice to say, Apocalypse is on a permanent halt because even archangels are wary of unintentionally pissing off all four incarnations of the Riders. Harry's alignment is Chaotic Good and he goes swimmingly well with one Gabriel aka Loki. Sam is happy to have someone who is at least as much of a danger magnet as he is, and Dean is satisfied to have his personal pie-baker on hand - or rather, call.

(The pie business in Hell is booming. For some reasons, angels also love Harry's pie and as such, hostile relations between both factions are - for the love of pie - on a semi-permanent truce.)

(Harry is just glad he has his treacle tart all for himself.)

Oh, and Lucy is Lucifer.


	7. Youjo Senki - Eric von Lehrgen

_**Disclaimer:**_ This one is the sole fault of my dear enabler. I don't own the characters.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ _**Forlorn Story Teller.**_ The cause and the culprit for this one. Take care and get well soon!

 _ **Warnings:**_ Eric von Lehrgen's woes in the shape of a certain loli. When lawful also means awful.

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(English) Ministry of Magic (if you lot even exist,)

Look, you morons, I would've gladly given you that monster of yours back, but as it stands, there are several factors that hinder me from doing so.

1) He is a _She_. She is Tanya ' _Argent'_ von Degurenchaff.

2) She is an indispensable part of our military, much to my chagrin. You can't just ask for our Air Marshal (and a National Hero to boot,) to be your breeding mare in popping out even more hellions similar to her. One of her is already enough!

3) We are in the middle of the war. Thus our needs trump your wants.

4) Her men would revolt. We can _not,_ under any circumstances, afford Silver Wing to be even crazier lot than they already are.

5) She is married to me. (Not my idea.) We are lawfully wedded (I knew I shouldn't have accepted her offer of that hell-gotten drink, but what's done is done), and as such, she is not eligible for your little farce of repopulation.

If you can help solving those problems, then by all means, do so but that does **NOT** in any way, shape or form mean that you are getting her back into your backwater, tea-loving country of idiocy.

 _Deus lo vult,_

Vice Director of Strategy and Operation

Major General

Eric von Lehrgen

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 _ **Afterword:**_ Post war, Harry went on living in Japan under different name and with his magic locked down, along with his memories and previous identity wiped out. He was a humble salaryman, wishing only for simple, worries-free life. But a series of unfortunate events and Being X not appreciating Harry's _unique_ perspective of things, throws him to be reincarnated into one cute, bloodthirsty little girl called Tanya Degurenchaff. But of course, just because he didn't use his magic anymore, that doesn't mean magic didn't follow Tanya.

(A tiny, bottomless flask of Firewhisky. Tanya loves her coffee with a bit of Firewhisky in it. It also helps when she drinks that, Being X for some reason can't mess with her.)

Eric von Lehrgen has an extremely bad luck of being this little monster's supervisor. And one gentle evening after a particularly bad day on the front, he succumbs to the lure of Tanya's coffee - which is heavily spiked with Firewhisky - which causes him to do the impossible and persuade Tanya into getting married to him. In Tanya's defense - she was dead tired, and Lehrgen's whining got on her nerves enough to say yes to him. It's a quick and dirty wedding, so to speak, as one of her commanders weds both of them. Actually, it's all three of them, because the other two couldn't bear letting the singled out one being the sole scapegoat of Tanya's latest and most unreasonable demand to are also filled in order, with the entire Silver Wing as their witness.

When they wake up in the morning in the same bed, Tanya is confused. Even more so, when one of her soldiers gives her a bouquet of forgets-me-nots when she is being congratulated on her wedding. Lehrgen is even more confused. He only remembers his head being fuzzy after a drink of coffee and being cute-cuddly to some little angel or something. When he finds out who is he actually married to, he faints.

Much to Tanya's ire and Lehrgen's despair, with the upper brass' amusement, their marriage is here to stay, and even worse, it's used as a propaganda material.

Even enemy soldiers of Empire join in with showering the 'happy couple' with gifts. (One week of truce, anyone?)

When MOM's letter comes, Lehrgen had had it. (He still denies it was his idea to marry Tanya first.) No,Tanya does not have her memories of her life as Harry. But Lehrgen holds a big, big grudge toward the country that spawned the cause of a lifetime of his headaches.


	8. Touken Ranbu - Shoudakiri Mitsutada

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own. I just entertain with them.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ _Touken Ranbu._ Writing as Japanese is an exercise... in being polite and patient. Hope I've made it work... Somehow. (Sorry for not updating _**ITBT,**_ had work to get through. Under stress. )

 _ **Warnings:**_ Whoops? The sword boys/men are possesive of their Aruji (Master). May the heavens - or at least Time Retrograde Army - have mercy on the fools from Ministry...

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To Honorable Ministry of Magic, England

I, Shoudakiri Mitsutada, am writing to you in regards to your proposal to take our Saniwa back into your society for the purpose of continuing your species.

While your intentions are honorable, your actions are less so. Your group of _'Aur-ors'_ had attempted to invade our Saniwa's residence, citing that our Saniwa was go back with them, even if they had to use lethal force to fulfill their orders. Horikawa Kunihiro tried to politely explain to them that this wasn't possible, only for your _'Aur-ors'_ not even listening to him and trying to get by with a brute force showing him aside and using their sticks on Ichigo Hitofuri and Nikkari Aoe.

Heshikiri Hasebe and Ookurikara helped to detain the squad. We apologize for the injuries they had to suffer through, but it was necessary to _re-educate_ them in use of their ears for their purpose of listening the reason being spoken out.

We are unwilling to relinquish our Saniwa to you. Our Saniwa is our Aruji. Despite unfortunate circumstances we've found each other in - and because of them - we agree it would be not only unwise, but outright destructive to send one such as him back to you. You've done more than enough damage what with your playing around with your ' _Time Turners'_ and as such, making our workload even bigger than it already is. And we just plain disagree with your plan to use him for the purposes of re-population your species against their own will.

 _ **/some unintelligible scrawls and then writing continues/**_

 _Drop_ it. You are not getting our Aruji back. – _Oodenta Mitsuyo_

Dare to _cause_ trouble and I'll **_show_** you what trouble is! – _Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki_

Huhuhuhu. Causing trouble, aren't we? Attempt that again, and I make those rumors about me reality. – _Sengo Muramasa_

I will be short and simple. _**NO**_. – _Izuminokami Kanesada_

I don't like to fight. But If you'll persist in taking Aruji away... I will _ **end**_ you. – _Kousetsu Samonji_

No. My fur would become utterly unkempt. - _Kogitsunemaru_

Since you are my Aruji's enemies, I will show you no mercy – _Kikkou Sadamune_

Your sincerety is not even authentic. And that is something I am not willing to forgive. – _Hachisuka Kotetsu_

 _ **/some more scribbles, some more intelligible than others/**_

...

Please excuse the intrusion. We felt it would be best for everyone to express themselves why are you not allowed to take away our Saniwa. As for me, Aruji is just too cute to be let go off. – _Mikazuki Munechika_

...

Continuing the missive. I apologize for my comrades, but I believe Mikazuki already explained the reason. Aruji is an indispensable part of our family and we all agreed to keep Aruji. As such, your demands for Aruji to go back to you are rejected as baseless.

If you persist in your foolish endeavor, then we at _**[Hanamaru Citadel]**_ will see this as a declaration of war and interfere.

And believe me, you _do not_ want us to interfere.

Greetings,

 _Shoudakiri Mitsutada_

* * *

 _ **Afterword:**_ I intentionally kept this one vague on whether Harry was male or female. But the premise is, Harry goes to Japan and happens to find _themselves_ in the middle of swords' conflict with Time Retrograde Army. Things go south very quickly, swords win, but their Saniwa is heavily wounded, and with Harry being there, _they_ are somehow elected as a temporary Saniwa at first, and then, after original Saniwa dies, on a more long-term basis.

Harry has good relationship with the swords, but it can be both platonic or non-platonic, depends on the reader. Japanese can be sometimes very ambiguous about intimacy, as they are not so in-your-face as Westerners.

Be their relationship platonic or something more, all swords are entirely unwilling to let Harry go back to England, but they cannot completely reveal why because the entire time paradox (though they hinted at it, and Ministry takes them as some branch of Japanese MoM, so they technically didn't reveal too much info).

Even if I watched the TouRan anime, I also tried my pen at some of the less visible characters for the heck of it. Some are known from anime, some are from the game, but all of them have their own quirks and personalities.

And yes, Ministry of Magic and Time Turners are an extremely big headache because they in essence they somehow fuel Time Retrograde Army. (There _HAS_ to be some negative consequence to using Time Turner, and Time Retrograde Army is one of them.)

The word in square bracket is not readable to MoM, because Citadel is under enchantment, similar to Fidelius Charm.


	9. Bleach - Ichigo Kurosaki

**_Disclaimer:_** Me no own, you not sue.

 ** _Shout Out:_** Long-live long-suffering liaisons. Or at least strawberries who had had it with being unofficially official representative of the Extremely Dangerous Ghosties With Sharp Pointy Objects, aka Shinigami, Kushinadas, Vizards and marginally Quincies.

 ** _Warning:_** Ichigo as ever-the-sane-one out of the bunch. And paperwork is the enemy.

* * *

Ministry of Inbred Idiots

You are _worse_ than Central 46, and that's _saying_ something, considering the lot of them were responsible for Thousand Years Blood War. And as for your extremely _unreasonable_ demand...

One, she is _dead._ Thus she is already ineligible for your utterly idiotic plan.

Two, no resurrection. Yes, we know your _esteemed_ Headmaster knows a bit or two about making artificial bodies Kushinada are more than a bit _peeved_ with him and his equally revered friend, one Nicholas Flamel.

Three. This is the Seireitei _Queen_ you are speaking about. She carries the weight of _all three_ Worlds. In terms you idiots can comprehend: she is _the_ lynchpin of an entire _creation._ Ask your Warders what lynchpin means and _exactly_ what happens if the main one is removed from the wards' structure.

Four. Are you _nuts?_ No, don't answer that. For your information - not that you _need_ to know it - she is also _wife_ of one Aizen Sousuke, and if you _really_ want to tangle with him, _be my guest._

Five. She is also the best protegee of one Unohana- _taicho_. My condolences. You lot are apparently really unfit to live both in the world of living, Seireitei and Hell. (Because _yes,_ Healers are **_THAT_** scary. And Unohana- _taicho_ is a captain of Healers' division. You can _imagine_ what that means.)

In conclusion, you managed to royally screw up yourselves.

Congratulations,

Head of Substitute division (XV),

Kurosaki Ichigo

* * *

PS: Keep far, _far_ away from _my_ little kitten, pals. Usually, I wouldn't want to dirty my blade with your blood , but if ya persist in going after her, I _guarantee_ ya the big ol' butterfly and she-devil will have _nuthin'_ on me. _Capisce?_

Zangetsu

* * *

PPS: Five words. Stay. Away. From. My. Lady.

Muramasa.

* * *

 _ **Afterword:** _Yet another after-war clustefuck. Always-a-girl!Harry had been hurled through the Veil straight into Seireitei and into chibi-Aizen. She is actually the reason why is Aizen such a prick, considering Zero Division had kidnapped her and Aizen was helpless to do anything at the time. She was also Unohana's little apprentice at time, the reason why she left her Kenpachi title behind and take up healing.

So tiny Aizen grew up into the monster we all know, loathe and love in the same measure. The Thousand Years War happened as usual, only with one very big difference - instead of Juushiro, there is Harry to shoulder the burden of all three worlds and giving Aizen piece of her mind for being such a dumb idiot.

Ichigo kept his powers as they are - so, Old man and Zangetsu (Shiro). Shiro liked how she reamed out Aizen for his butterfly-phase - she was like hissy little kitten even if extremely dangerous one - and promptly decided to adopt her as his own. As for Muramasa, he had been inadvertently rescued by her (An accidental dream walk and oops? One saved Muramasa, much to exasperation of Soul King and Zero Division. Not that she needs him, but he proclaimed himself her protector, and that was it.) Suffice to say, their Shovel Talk with Aizen was _legendary._

After TYW, Ichigo lives relatively normally - with Arrancars joining him in the world of living and working there as some kind of neutral enforcers, and as a joke, they are known in Seireitei under the name of 15th division ( _Ichi-Go_ can also be translated as 1-5). They also have regular scuffles with Visoreds in Hueco Mundo for the old times' sake.

Magic is as magic does, and the letter came. Ichigo was chosen to respond that one because he is a liaison of Seireitei and Dangerous Ghosties overall - still officially unofficial - and both Aizen and Unohana would sooner shoot first than politely decline the wizards' little summon.


	10. Naruto - Ōtsutsuki Asura

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the characters for this one.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Yes, yes, gone off the grid again. Workload had jumped up, so my updating will be sporadic at best and utterly nil for this month at worst. Also tried my pen at Naruto fandom, just for the kicks of it.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Long-suffering younger brother, who is not happy with the Ministry of Fools for their little... shall we say, suggestion. This is his response.

* * *

You utter _twits._

I don't even have _words_ to express just how completely _stupid_ your little plan is.

You want to take away the one person who single-handedly ensured Indra's happiness.

Rosa is the mother of their three children, and Indra's heart, mind and very _soul._

If you persist with your foolishness, then both Uchiha and Ōtsutsuki clans will endeavor to utterly and completely crush you lot into _smithereens..._ if Indra doesn't get to you first.

I may be the Head of Ōtsutsuki clan... but my big brother is hailed _Ninshū no Tensai_ for a reason. There is only one _equal_ to him, and this is his _wife_ you twits so greedily covet to use for your own ends.

Get it into your _thick_ skulls already. She is _married,_ and no force under heaves and earth will part them from each other, lest they be _annihilated_ in the process.

Head of the Ōtsutsuki clan,

Ōtsutsuki Asura.

* * *

 _ **Afterword:**_ Rosa Potter (female Harry Potter) had vanished off the grid after that fiasco with graveyard, means unknown, but what is known is that the ritual one Snakeface had attempted to do to resurrect himself epically failed.

While Lord Snakey croaked an inglorious death one Rosa Potter was protected enough to be spared... but because of certain circumstances she wasn't allowed to go back to her old dimension and was instead chucked into some other dimension by the grace of the higher being aka Death.

She found residence in the same village Indra was sent to 'help', and because both of them are outsiders in a sense, Indra bonded with her, albeit reluctantly. Rosa also gets his attention when she wacks his head when he starts to spout stupidity about his not so nice 'little-brother-complex' and said that if he is unsatisfied to search his own way and that inheriting the title of Clan Head would only hinder him in his efforts.

Indra is dumbfounded and more than a little bit angry, but something in Rosa's words intrigued him enough to use his genius head and start thinking. This is the beginning of his more serious interaction with Rosa and Indra groveled - or as much as a genius as him did - to get on Rosa's good side again. He is also intrigued by Rosa's interesting way of _ninshū_ (or accidental magic), and he changes his little project of village revival.

Upon Indra's returning back to the Ōtsutsuki compound, Hagoromo still decided to give the title to Asura, but Indra didn't mind because he was too occupied with both experimenting in _ninshū_ and wooing Rosa - and yes, those two go hand in hand, considering Rosa has some ... _unique_ specialties hidden in her proverbial sleeves.

Succession crisis averted, Ōtsutsuki clan members are witnesses to hilariously awkward attempts of Hagoromo's eldest son of wooing the prickly rose he had convinced to accompany him to his clan. Asura is just grateful his brother is now in a better mood than before when they got that 'Village' Mission, and if he had a hand or two in helping his big brother secure Rosa's affections, well that's no one business but his own.

Some of Ōtsutsuki clan members slowly gravitate to Asura, even if there are not many of them, there's enough of them for a small clan, and to prevent any misunderstandings, they name themselves Uchiha... namely because Rosa's little weapon of doom was a certain fan... which all of the said members of their little patchwork clan got a huge respect for, especially when they saw it used against Asura in his stupider moments. (It's a simple, humble paper fan – _harissen_ \- of all things. The newly minted Uchiha clan sure had strange ways to honor their matriarch...)

Rosa had birthed Indra three kids - two boys (twins) and one girl, and everything seemed well for a foreseeable future, until that little letter from Beyond in which some little fools demand her reproduction abilities _(ahem!)_ to be used for the Greater Good of the English wizardkind.

Good thing that Indra was occupied with his daughter, because otherwise he would've had an apoplectic fit to end all fits. With Rosa enabling his little experiments he had became even stronger, but if one thing is constant, he is ridiculously protective and possessive of his little family, especially Rosa, even if she is his equal in _n_ _inshū._

Asura was the one to write the letter becasue he was a) less emotional and b) more rational and c) he just wanted to take a kick at the fools who thought they had any rights to order his (if sole) favorite sister-in-law to be a breeding mare for their purposes.

And yes, both of the clans are in awe and adore Rosa for her being badass enough to be Indra's wife, his equal and being protective mama bear over everyone in her clan. (She doubles as an unofficial counselor to give them kick in their collective behinds when needed and kids adore her because she allows them to cuddle with her.)

Black Zetsu had been 're-educated' on his views with generous helping of Rosa's _harissen_ and sees Rosa as his benevolent Goddess. The only fault with him is that he is just too addicted to treacle tart, much to Rosa's dismay.


	11. Shingeki no Kyojin

**_Disclaimer:_** Not owning.

 ** _Shout Out:_** An experiment. Because it amused me.

 ** _Warnings:_** Really not knowing this anime that well.

* * *

Ministry of... Whichever city you are,

Are you freaking _insane?_ There is no other reason for you trying to poach the wife of _Levi Rivaille_ and _Eren Jaeger's_ little sister. Mind you, they are known _Humanity's Strongerst_ and _Humanity's Hope_ for a _reason._

This said. Nope. No. Not in a million years, and not even if you give me bazillion Titans to experiment on. Not worth it.

Ta,

Hanji Zoe

* * *

PS: I would listen to her if I were you. If you persist in your foolish endeavor, then if they don't do away with you, _she_ will. And you will not like it.

Regards,

Erwin Smith

* * *

PPS: Man, and I thought _Eren_ was a suicidal bastard. But if you touch even _one_ little hair on Jade's head, I will gladly _dissect_ you. And Marco said he would _help._

Jean Kirschtein.

* * *

PPPS: You rotten potatoes! Meanies! Leave Jade alone!

Sasha Blouse

* * *

PPPPS: Do that and I will kill you.

Mikasa Ackerman

* * *

 ** _Afterword:_** Jade (Girl Harry) was transported into Shingashina after that fiasco with Mirror. She was adopted by Jaegers and became Eren's little sister, Mikasa also sees her as a little sister. At first, it was because of Eren, but Jade also charmed her all by her lonesome.

Jade follows Eren and makes an impression on Levi both because of her protective temper over him beating Eren and her ability to out-clean him. There is also Jade's little ability with magic to make those gas canisters last seemingly forever, and she is a very good cook.

An interesting tidbit – she is smaller than Levi. When Levi asked her out for the first time (she was sixteen), he was unintentionally called out by Erwin for being a craddle robber. Eren hit the roof, both literally and figuratively. Also known as the only time Levi ever fled from a pissed off Titan.

The one who stopped him was Jade with her cooking spoon.

(Big-ass Titan whimpering at angry tiny girl wielding a cooking spoon like a kicked puppy? Oh _yes_.)

They are still in a middle of fight with Titans and 104's are not happy that someone is trying to poach their commander's wife/little sister/mascot/cook/lucky charm.


	12. Mahouka Koukou - Juumonji Katsuto

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own this one. I just listened to that one song and yeah, that spawned this one. Inspiration for that one is _Sweet and Low_ by Augustana, along with _Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei._

 _ **Shout Out:**_ _**ITBT**_ will be updated either tomorrow or day after, because Deadline Monsters are alive and kicking and I do not love them properly, apparently.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Yes, yes, I've gone sideways again. Don't care about it either way; idea was just too amusing not to take it. Oh, and Harry is a female in that one.

* * *

Ministry of Magic, England.

I hesitate to address you as such because you haven't existed for at least a thousand years.

Let's get one thing straight. Sagitta Potter is now Juumonji Sagitta, my _wife._ By your own law this makes her _ineligible_ for your farce of an order.

While it's good to preserve tradition and bloodlines, the way you are going about it is positively _archaic_ , not to mention _utterly barbaric_.

I do not know what kind of means you have used to send this order of yours through the time and space, nor do I _care._

(Shiba, however, is _extremely_ interested in dissecting you, and no, I won't stop him - nor will my _wife_ \- if you _persist_ in your foolish endeavor.)

If you _dare_ to continue with your _utterly imbecilic_ way of action, know this: I, Juumonji Katsuto, husband of one Juumonji Sagitta _nee_ Potter and Head of Juumonji Clan, will utterly _**annihilate**_ you. Juumonji Clan, along with the others of Ten Clans, have already pledged their assistance in this matter.

Signed,

Juumonji Katsuto

Head of Juumonji Clan

Husband of one Juumonji Sagitta _nee_ Potter

* * *

 _ **Afterword:**_ Juumonji Katsuto was under pressure to find a wife. Many of them had thought that he would choose one of the girls in the First High or at least one from the Ten Clans.

But then everything had gone to hell and in one night, he confronts an Irregular - someone who doesn't even need CAD device to dial up/regulate her magic. Narrow face, blazing green eyes, chin-length messy black hair, a lightning bolt on her forehead, her clothes looking like they had lived through better times. Something in that - _her_ \- grabs his attention - especially because there's not many people who could put him down on his ass, via their magic and even less without it.

"Look, you brick-for-brains. _Don't. Follow. Me."_

But Katsuto is intrigued and follows her anyway.

Sagitta is not happy with that game of cat and mouse, considering she had been flung into an unknown place with foreign language and she still has to find her footing in this society of the brave new world she had found herself in, but it can't be helped. She had gotten into an accident when in Gringotts retrieving the cup - one of the runic circles backfired and by sheer dumb luck deposited her into far future. She is trying to get back to off Voldemort once and for all, not knowing that he is already dead as a door-nail, courtesy of the mess with the runic circle she somehow managed to activate.

(Especially because _that_ particular brick-for-brains seems to have some kind of inbuilt radar to her presence. And of course, newsflash: Katsuto kind of does, what with him having finely honed Spatial Awareness, and with Sagitta's magic being different than any Katsuto had ever encountered, It can be said that Sagitta can't escape him … or at least not for long.)

After a long run of saving and snarking at each other, she pulls his ass out of the proverbial fire, spitting oaths and threats at him (she just can't admit herself that he kind of grew on her… like some kind of fungus,) but he grabs her by hair and kisses her.

"Marry me."

"Are you out of your thick-headed _mind!?"_

And yes, much to amusement of his friends, he later on managed to convince her to marry him. But it's an amusing sight, him being so tall and she a tiny green-eyed, messy-haired spitfire beside him.

(There is shock and outrage at her… _uncouth_ manners, considering she berates him rather harshly, but that particular quirk of hers endears her to him all the more. His Clan took some time to get used to it, but the sheer force of her personality and interesting magic made the old fogeys like her. And yes, it helps that she can cook.)

Sagitta is also the name of a star in the northern sky, the name means ' _arrow.'_ (And no, when I was choosing the name, I didn't know that.)

PS: Katsuto is _very_ possessive of her wife, even if he knows that she could and would kick ass of any fool who tried to mess with her. But he can be forgiven for that particular trait of his, because Sagitta certainly didn't make it easy for him to wed her.


	13. Founder of Diabolism - Wei WuXian

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own these characters, what the heck. And does anybody gets tired writing one and the same thing in disclaimers? Because I do. (…get tired of disclaiming, that is.)

 _ **Shout Out:**_ I've been amused by _Founder of Diabolism_ ( ** _Mo Dao Zu Shi_** ), and Jiang Cheng practically tickled my funny bone with how uptight and grumpy he is. _Awww,_ he needs some cuddles, and I obliged. And yes, the anime is out. Hint: he is in second episode.

 _ **Warnings:**_ I've been reading Chinese novels, and it may be reflected in how this is written… Well, more or less. _/blood-shot eyes/_ And Wei WuXian ought to come with his own brand of warning labels, seriously.

 _ **Quick Dictionary:**_

 _ **Yi**_ \- exclamation of surprise, like _'oh'!_

 _ **Closed off double cultivation**_ \- euphemism for honeymoon, according to Chinese ( _wuxia_ ) novels, but not. Closed off cultivation is a thing here, usually a mix of getting knowledge and power-up spiced up with a healthy dose of danger and _not-caring-about-worldy-matters-for-too-long-to-be-healthy-or-normal_. Double cultivation means sexual intercourse, so closed off double cultivation is logically a honeymoon… at least for cultivators (my style, not really anywhere in novels, but well...).

 _ **Zidian**_ \- Jiang Cheng's whip's name, the whip itself is usually transformed in an innocent ring (sitting on Jiang Cheng's finger), used for expelling the souls or demons who forcibly possess human body.

 _ **Fierce corpse**_ \- A zombie. A very angry and grudge-filled one.(It's really written like that in the original, and considering the guy does have some semblance of cognizance… hmmm.)

 _ **Zither**_ – _guquin._

* * *

Ministry of Magic, 'England'

 _Yi,_ I never thought that there existed someone _stupid_ enough to _deliberately_ invoke Jiang Cheng's wrath. You owe this grandfather for interfering in your business, really. Not that it was hard to do, considering Jiang Cheng and his little husband are currently in _closed off double cultivation_ , if you know what I mean.

So it falls upon me, the great Yiling patriarch, to stop you from chasing your death - or knowing Jiang Cheng. Death would be the _last_ thing he will gift you with when he hears of your despicable plans to have his bonded be married off to this eternal fangirl. But on the other side, thank you for the chance to convince him demonic cultivation is something _useful_ (because Zidian really, really _hurts,_ you know?), the amount of resentful energy contained in this letter you've sent…well, it had scared some cute little disciples too, but on the other hand, it's really fascinating just how _deep_ of a grudge you lot over there have for a person who literally saved your misbehaving butts.

I've _never_ seen Wen Ning so pissed off - not even when he was _alive_ \- like he had been right then - never mind him being a fierce corpse and as such he is on the angry setting by default - you've made him _extra_ mad! He kind of adopted the little kitten as his own - don't know how, I am just as confused on the subject as you are - but you don't get to mess with someone under protection of Ghost General and expect to get off scot-free. I am half-tempted to visit your _honorable_ establishment and let him express his _extreme_ displeasure at your foolish attempt to chain down his cute little son.

Lan WangJi outright broke the strings of his zither. _Broke!_ I would've congratulated you for truly angering him - even when I switched out his text with erotic scriptures he wasn't _that_ furious, but _my,_ it takes some _serious_ skill to piss him off to the degree you just did then.

I could've written on the reactions of _many_ other people for our little one is precious to many, but in short – you've managed to anger truly an extraordinary amount of powerful people who can - and _will_ rain heavenly punishment on your foolish heads - if Jiang Cheng doesn't find out about your idiocy first.

I, Wei WuXian - Yiling patriarch and great founder of demonic cultivation, speak thus: You have gravely offended many people with your actions and angered even I. Jiang Cheng is, despite being an eternal grump, my precious friend, and I don't condone your disgusting attempts to separate him from his beloved.

(His apprentices are _**not**_ grateful for your foolish intervention, either.)

This is your first and last warning to you, so take heed of it. Abandon your foolish plans. Persist, and I will make sure you will perish in most miserable of ways.

 _Wei WuXian,_

 _Yiling patriarch_

* * *

Jiang Cheng is an outstanding man of good morals and bearing. Your attempt to convince me this candidate of yours would be better than him for our little one is extremely _pathetic._

Your intentions are utterly _revolting_. While I can understand marrying for political reasons, you trying to control little one through such despicable means is truly dishonorable. Even if I am not close friend to Jiang Cheng like Wei WuXian is, I could see just how much he dotes on the little one as his own family and apprentice and I've done the same. I am extremely _wexed_ you'd try to take him away from us.

Heed the warning of Yiling patriarch because it's the same as mine. Desist and live. Insist and die.

 _Lan WangJi,_

 _Head of the Gusu Lan Sect_

* * *

 _ **Afterword:**_ You may have noted that Harry wasn't mentioned by name in this excerpt, but it's because everyone loves to mess with him calling him _kitten_ or _little one_ or variant thereof.

(Because Jiang Cheng kind of threatened them into doing so, not that he would tell this to his beloved spouse, so Harry's actual name is more or less a taboo to speak outside Jiang Cheng and of course, Harry. Harry got kind of annoyed/resigned about that, but it's oddly flattering to not be called anything, because it means there are no expectations about his fame or something.)

Harry had arrived in this world after the Battle of Hogwarts - a mix'n'match of curses, charms and Hogwarts' ley lines along with magic in his blood, courtesy of basilisk venom and phoenix tears. He had to quickly get used to the new world, but surprisingly, he could understand language, both written and spoken, which is a bonus in his time of getting used to the new batch of crazy heading his way.

Jiang Cheng mistook him for a girl when Harry had been attacked by demons. Harry, mute as he was – some kind of a curse - couldn't really disprove that fact, but him being called a maid earned Jiang Cheng one very pissed-off kitten that dumped freezing cold water on his head when Jiang Cheng demanded Harry helped him to bathe. (Yes, the water was hot. Harry's magic, however, turned it ice cold. Jiang Cheng's shriek was a _murder._ )

Harry tries to flee, changing into his Animagus form - a small kitten - but not much luck, considering Jiang Cheng picks him up as a gift to Harry himself, not knowing that Harry is an Animagus. But considering the cute little furball thaws his heart, his reputation as a cold bastard also plummets down - but the one who actually discovers Harry's secret is his nephew, Jin Ling, (both of them have fondness for the green-eyed kitten), and the two of them bond, much to Jiang Cheng's frustration. (Jiang Cheng wasn't jealous. Really, he _wasn't._ It was only his own nephew that was getting too soft, and about _animal_ , no less!)

By accident, Jiang Cheng's whip in its released form touches the kitten, and releases both curse (Harry was mute,) and Harry's Animagus form. Harry is _not_ happy. Jiang Cheng is even less amused, and completely mortified because the furball in question saw him in some of his weaker moments, but interested - in the name of _science,_ really - what is that ability of Harry's. Harry keeps the ears and tail as a side effect of botched up release of both curse and Animagus transformation, but that doesn't stop him from practically liting it into Jiang Cheng for his stupidity.

The story of a Tsundere Lord and his Kitten Companion thus begins, with Harry being embroiled in the story. This is a tug-o-war, but surprisingly enough, Jiang Cheng's furry companion becomes a constant, if live fixture on his shoulder, and making him a babe magnet (what girl could defy the charm of cute little black kitten with its button nose and charming emerald eyes?), but Jiang Cheng surprisingly gets even pickier about his supposed spouse. After many trials, bickers and tribulations - Jiang Cheng almost gets a heart attack what with Harry being adopted by Ghost General, never mind the Yiling patriarch and his 'husband', not necessarily in that order (being choked by a fierce corpse is _not_ an enjoyable pastime, especially when he was being a tsundere and called Harry a furball, even if it was only once.) – the two of them get to know each other and bond, resulting in their marriage.

And then, kaboom. Ministry's Letter O' Doom comes.


	14. TRON: Legacy - Alan Bradley

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own that.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Gone into _**TRON: Legacy**_ again, and the writing bug bit me again.

 _ **Warnings**_ :Now I want to write Alan with the twins. Oh, god, what have I _done?_

* * *

To Whom It May Concern,

My name is Alan Bradley, and I am writing to you because I've received your letter stating I am eligible for your repopulation program based on the fact I am as of yet unmarried, magic-wielding and citizen of your Ministry, along with being that 'Harry Potter' persona you've accused me of being.

I am writing back to you to correct your misconceptions. Firstly, I am 50 years old, which is way over any age bracket for proper marriage. Secondly, I don't have magic, and never had it. I am a programmer, and that is a completely _mundane_ occupation. Thirdly, I've lived in States my entire life, so your talk about my so-called obligation to do my duty is a moot point as I am an _American_ citizen.

As for you, your missive was very presumptuous and rude to the extreme. I _shudder_ to think what is your civilization like, if your leaders are so uncouth as it is from the get go.

As for me being married -

The rest of the letter was interrupted and encoded in 0-1 code.

(After decoding it with the help of some clever Muggleborn witch - )

* * *

Alan-1 is _mine._ He is my Creator and my User. We've got him back after many Cycles - too many for your puny minds to comprehend and you arrogantly think your _unreasonable_ demand has any kind of prerogative, be that on or off the Grid. Let me enlighten you - it _isn't._ Alan-1 belongs to us and if you try to take him away, being derezzed will be the _least_ of your worries.

 _Tron_

 _Security program_

* * *

Alan-One. Creator. User. Mine. Protect. My User. Mine. Mine. MINE. Not yours. Never yours. Never.

You want to take him away. Tear. _Kill._ Destroy. **ANNIHILATE.** Alan-One MINE.

 **Game Over.**

RINZLER

* * *

Oh god, you _do_ have a death wish, don't you? I've known Uncle Alan since I've been born, and he sure as _hell_ is not magic - well - except with code (He created _TRON_. 'Nuff said.) And you want to _marry_ him off... I've laughed myself _sick_ at your expense. Though he's a good-looking bloke, I wish you luck getting past his guard dogs. Tron and Rinzler are possessive as _fuck_ and I've a bet with Quorra when they will tumble him between the sheets, and I intend to collect on it. (Quorra disagrees, but that's a moot point.)

 _Look,_ dudes, I am doing you a favor. A _huge_ one, you may want to thank me for saving your lives later. Leave Uncle Alan alone. Never mind Tron and Rinzler, even as dangerous as they are. Instead you ought to worry about yourself being exposed to… _mm_ , say, the _whole_ fucking world? Clu may be a goddamn bastard and Uncle Alan is one of rare people he likes (though he _loathes_ my father with the every circuit of his _being_ ,) and if you choose to persist, he'll sic the _entire_ Grid on your sorry asses. And _believe_ me, this would be _no_ fun on your side. And I will _help._

Toodles,

Sam Flynn

CEO of ENCOM Corp.

Grid King(hastily crossed out ) _Queen_

* * *

 _ **Afterword: **_This is a typical bungle where Harry's soul was reincarnated in another body after Voldemort tried to kill him as a kid. But instead of keeping his magic, Harry reincarnated completely, not to mention earlier than his supposed 'birthday', considering Lily's protection, whatever it was, curved time and space.

As such, Harry is not Boy Who Lived, but lives as one Alan Bradley, Computer Geek Extraordinaire, creating the Grid with his friends and everything.

 _TRON: Legacy_ happens, but with the difference of the main actors surviving - meaning Sam's father, Clu, Rinzler, and a week after that, Sam can't keep it hidden anymore and blurts to Alan what had happened in the Grid. The three of them go back to the Grid While Clu survived the ordeal (if barely), Flynn didn't, and there was still the question of Tron/Rinzler thing stalking them.

Tron/Rinzler stalks them, interested in Alan, ambushing him at some point and behaving like a spoiled kitten, much to Sam's freak-out and Alan's confusion. They also find Clu, and for some reason, Clu is not such a hard-ass, maybe missing some memories, and while Alan is busy with the dangerous kitty, Sam is saddled with taking care of Clu.

Mess happens when they tried to clean out Tron's code of Clu's corruption, resulting in creation/separation of Tron's evil twin, Rinzler. Tron is in shock that his Creator/User would come to save him, and Rinzler is so messed up so much it's not even funny, but at least he is somewhat functioning - only more on a feral side.

Those two absolutely don't allow Alan to go out of the Grid without them, and Alan has to take a time out from ENCOM to take care of the 'twins' in question. Sam is both freaked out and entertained with how the two of them demand attention from Alan.

(Not that Sam is immune from the mess, considering that his time of taking care of Clu left him with a very clingy program of his own, resulting in his new title of Queen of the Grid, much to Quorra's amusement and Sam's pouting because damn it, he wanted to be a King.)

Quorra is an angel, bearing with the mess the four of them do in meantime, though that doesn't stop her from being naughty and betting with Sam about Alan's little suitors.


	15. Nidome no Jinsei wo Isekai de

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the characters. I am just having a ball with them.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ At last, once more into the breach. This time the unfortunate vic - ahem, _target,_ was one of the less known manga/anime of _isekai_ (other world) genre. For anyone curious, it's _Nidome no Jinsei wo Isekai de -_ look it up and tell me how you liked particular chapters in manga are from number 10 to 13 if anyone is interested about the mess happening there.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Copious mentions of re-education, Ginny Gets Her Due and unrequited (sadomasochistic) love at its finest.

* * *

To Ministry of Magic, England.

 _Yare yare daze_...Cease and desist sending your cockroaches of Aurors into my bowels. While they were an interesting material to experiment on, they are also bland, boring, predictable and all out completely whiny sort.

They got annoying, so I had to.. _silence_ them. Honestly, not even one _polite_ bone in their bodies, all yapping and demanding for that 'Harry Potter' person to come back with them to reproduce and whatnot.

Hmm... _heh._ If it were my beloved Renya, I wouldn't have minded, but you _ants_ somehow decided to engage me to that 'Ginny Weasley' chit –

No, no, no _, no._ That wouldn't do, so I _re-educated_ the worms... shame that re-education didn't take. (Thus, they were permanently silenced.) Besides, it's a double no-no to try and chain a demon to a human, you know? Sadly, the chit in question was pretty stubborn on the issue. For a time, it was amusing but when she tried to use a potion called _Amortentia_ on me - heh, good _try_ , but no dice – she got... re-educated too. Don't mind her lacking legs, hands, eyes and tongue - I got _annoyed_ with her badmouthing my dear Renya and had to _teach_ her that just how insignificant of a _gnat_ she is in comparison with his brilliance.

Not lovely to meet you and I would _suggest_ rescinding that _utterly foolish_ marriage law of yours. After all, it is really doing _wonders_ to encourage _depopulation_ of your people instead of doing its intended job.

I did you a _service_ with culling those more _stupid_ of your race, so in repayment, I want the rest of you to leave me alone. But if you would be as ignorant as to pursue me again, then ... hm, hah, well, you'd have no other to blame for consequences but yourselves.

Consider yourself warned,

Emil Raya (Magi scientist)

* * *

 _ **Afterword:**_ Crossover with _Nidome no Jinsei wo Isekai de_. Because the concept of demon/dungeon/magi scientist falling in love with his conqueror (think Grell and Sebastian from _Kuroshitsuji_ ), was just too hilarious of a concept not to take up.

As it were, Harry Potter as such was thrown into another universe when Voldie killed him the second time, and this time, Avada Kedavra changed him into a demon - side result from that entire kibosh called Last Stand and whatnot. He began his life from the beginning - so to say, cute little demon growing up into big demon, interested in mix of magic and science, without memories of Hogwarts and everyone else.

Cue his meeting with one Kunugi Renya, so-called E-rank adventurer, but in truth a reincarnate from other world that was (back then) known as 'Demon Swordsman'. As it is, Emil Raya becomes enchanted with his bloodthirsty nature when Renya defends his teammates and in typical Grell-like fashion offers everything and anything to him. Of course, Renya is not of the same mind, so he 'politely' (more like via sword) declines Emil's heartfelt offering, but he does accept Emil's help with getting his teammates out of dungeon to safety and accepting dungeon core. (Some kind of a stone, like heart of dungeon, so to speak. Apparently valuable.) They part their ways afterward, with Emil surviving another day and ( _still_ ) having crush the size of planet on Renya.

But of course, Ministry of Magic (England) has to be stupid enough to send Aurors with Ginny - she insisted to come along - to the world where they sensed Harry Potter - or at least his reincarnation - is. What they didn't count on, was that 'Harry Potter' in question was:

a) A dungeon (yes, _seriously_ )

b) Having no memories about them (no big loss…. maybe?)

c) Already being spoken for/having masochistic crush on one Kunugi Renya (did we mention it was planet-sized already?)

d) Being completely against going back to the original world

e) Having the means to and no compunctions whatsoever about re-educating them... _violently_ (death and loss of limbs included, not to mention Aurors playing lab rats for Emil)

As such, this wonderful letter of decline to the wizarding idiots above had been written and sent back to the instigators of the recent happenings, aka Ministry.

(Renya is not in any way, shape or form happy with his strange stalker. Not that it stops Emil any, he is bound and determined to get Renya for himself!)


	16. Tokyo Ghoul - Hideyoshi Nagachika

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the characters, I am only amusing myself with them.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Haven't done Tokyo Ghoul with those yet, so here it is.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Hide begin Hide and being unapologetic little shit about it.

* * *

Oh. _Oh_. Oh, _shit._

You guys have gone off into a deep end, haven't you? Otherwise you wouldn't have tried to take away the wife of _the_ CCG Reaper, would you?

Never mind, you probably don't know who he is, but honestly, at least do your research before sending any such missives to an already married person.

Anyway! Reina is a cool person - she managed to get Kaneki's head screwed on _right_ , which is a feat in and of itself, and believe me, coming from _me,_ his best friend, that says much. She also doesn't mind his particular diet - in fact, Tsukiyama practically _worships_ the ground she is walking on, because her recipes are just that _divine._ I have to agree, and Anteiku are lucky bastards to have her in their employment. Her sweets are especially tasty – and note to self - don't ever try to get between Amon and his donuts. Or _anything_ sweet she makes, _period._ Touka got her big sister, not that she would admit that, the _tsundere_ she is - _owww,_ I am telling the truth here! – and Uta is ecstatic because she is apparently his muse when concerning masks. Ayato still blushes around her like no tomorrow, though _\- ack,_ not the Superman cup! Any other, but not the Superman one! Renji-san saaave meeee!

Oops. Sorry. I didn't know that Aya-chan would react so strongly - yes, I did, but what's some teasing between friends, really? Soo, as you see, Reina has _lots_ of friends and family that would go through _hell_ in a hand basket for her. _Multiple times._ They have already done so and they would do it _again,_ like she would've done it for them. And that's not all of them. They are already scarily strong.

But you just _had_ to go and piss off _him,_ didn't you? Either you are crazy, masochistic or you lot just don't want to live anymore _, period_. You _had_ to go and piss off _Arima Kishou._ Who is, like I mentioned before, her _husband._ His moniker, _the Reaper,_ is not just for shits and giggles, either. When you are his target, you are _eliminated_ , no ifs, ands or buts. Zero. Zip. Nada. The Ende.

I am _not_ doing you a favor, because I don't know you and don't like you (shut _it,_ Kaneki, I can be petty bitch, too) and I _don't_ like you (important things have to be repeated twice), but I like Reina and I don't want her honeymoon with her paramour gone to dogs because of you lot. And her friends and family agree with me.

So I got elected to send you a warning in their stead. Try to mess with her – and you are messing with _all_ of us. That is _super_ -unhealthily – for _you,_ of course - so I recommend you to _back the fuck off_ and leave her - and by proxy, all of us - the fuck alone.

Hideyoshi Nagachika

PS: By the way, Nishiki is asking what kind of drug were you _on_ when you were writing that stupid marriage law. Because he would like to use it on some _interesting_ people (but you haven't heard that from me.).

* * *

 _ **Afterword:**_ Always-a-girl!Harry - Reina had gone to Japan after war. Of course, Japan has their own problems in the shape of Ghouls, who are kind of an open secret in Japan. As for how other countries don't know about the existence of ghouls, is because Japan's native magic is making it some kind of a open _Fidelius/Notice Me Not_ charm - when a person comes in Japan, they are aware of their existence, but as soon as they are out of borders, they don't consider that matter important. Of course the higher international echelons are aware if they are inducted into the secret properly, so to speak.

As it were, Reina accidentally bumped into Arima when on a trip, some ghouls also thought Reina would be an easy pickings (Nishiki,) and of course, she has to whack some sense into Kaneki who was just recently off of Jason's torture rack, so to speak. Mess happens, and Arima gets interested in a fiery, outspoken woman who treats ghouls as humans and suprise, surprise, even him as a normal person. Reina is also interested in Arima because of his hair and his eyes.

 _('They are kind of sad, don't you think so? His eyes, I mean.'_

 _'What kinda drug are you fuck on? The Reaper, sad? Hah, that would be the day.')_

Also, there's the subject of death to speak about, and Reina behaves like psychotherapist for her cuddle-bugs of a ghoul family - Kaneki, Ayato, Touka, making Arima unknowingly jealous in the process, especially when Uta and Renji get into the picture.

Arima scares the _shit_ out of Anteiku when he appears there to take Reina on date/blackmails the lot of them. Touka still hasn't forgiven him for that.

Hide, Kaneki's sunny friend, knows about their ghoulish secret and has no problem with it. On the contrary, he is playing cupid with Hinami to get Kaneki together with Amon... just because. (Their hobby is inventing more and more situations - usually embarrassing ones - to get both Kaneki and Amon in. Unsurprisingly, Ayato joins in, but Tsukiyama tries to sabotage them the best he can. Nishiki helps Tsukiyama because he is petty bastard like that, but more often than not he folds in front of Hinami's puppy eyes - the traitor.)

After courting - ghoul-style, but adjusted for human use - Arima marries Reina, but not until Kaneki tells him what he could and would do to him if he makes Reina cry with sadness. Even if Kaneki is a gentle soul, his ideas are more than a bit vicious.


	17. The King's Avatar - Ye Xiu and co

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own that. Or the King's Avatar. Ta-dah.

 _ **Shout-Out:**_ An exercise in being shameless, petty and grumpy with some of an over talkative puppy mixed in. I am surprised I haven't done that one yet….

 _ **Warning:**_ Ye Xiu is being shameless troll, Han Wenquing is reluctantly agreeing with Ye Xiu on the issue (shock and horror!), Huang Shaotian is an opportunist and Vaccaria is just a NO. (We are missing a brick or two, though...)

* * *

Ministry of Magic, England.

Yes, I understand that Big Eyed Wang is famous for being _the_ Magician, but _really?_ Going so far as to offer him as a sacrifice - ahem, _spouse_ to one of your citizens is going a little bit too far in my opinion. For one, Tiny Herb would cry if they lost their captain, never mind his uneven eyes. Also, Gao Yingjie would never forgive you if you took away his father. And for that matter, Xiao Yifan would cry, and my team absolutely wouldn't abide that.

As he is an indispensable member of Chinese Glory Team - he and Vaccaria are both valuable and reliable teammates we'd loathe to relinquish to you just because you cannot, for the life of you lot, use some more conventional means - meaning artificial insemination - to solve your little problem of under-population of your people.

Ye Xiu

Coach (and reserve player) of Chinese Glory Team

* * *

I agree with Ye Xiu. Go away.

Tyranny Captain (and Co-Coach of Chinese Glory Team)

Han Wenquing

* * *

The fuck did you just try to do!? You are trying to force Old Wang into an arrange marriage? Hahahaha, are you serious? You are way, way behind times and even if I despise Old Wang for ceding the captainship of Tiny Herb to Xiao Gao - the bastard just about threw the match,, what the fucking fuck, he deserves to be PKPKPKPKPK to death for his stunt - but he's now our teammate, so fuck off with your fucking demands otherwise you will have to PKPKPKPK with me and I am in the mood in fucking you up, so come if you dare, I am ready to PKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPK anytime, anywhere!

Huang Shaotian

(Sword Saint)

* * *

You are NOT getting my Master. Try that little stunt of yours _again_ , and I will _ **SHOW**_ you why I am called the 'Magician!'

 _Vaccaria_

* * *

 ** _Afterword:_** I've jumped on a tiny little bandwagon of King's Avatar, and here's to Wang Jiexi, the poor victim of having been recruited in the Wizarding World because a) he is Harry Potter (or he at least has his soul, if not abilities, courtesy of Voldie's last swan song of a spell - neither can live while the other survives and all that rot) and b) Ministry of Magic is Doing The Stupid As Usual.

Ye Xiu answered because he is superior to Wang Jiexi and because he is headache to deal with on the best of the days, Han Wenquing followed because Ye Xiu goaded him into being a co-coach (there may or may not have been a tiny bet involved - which Old Han invariably lost, much to the other members of Chinese Glory Team's horror,), Huang Shaotian happened to pass by and as true opportunist he is inserted his tidbit of an opinion into rejection letter and Vaccaria was just annoyed they tried to poach the one player that could play his avatar to such an impossible extent.


	18. Rideback - Kiefer

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Rideback, but the idea tickled me, so there's that.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Stranger than fantasy, indeed. At this point I am all for trolling incompetent Ministry flunkies and whatnot.

 _ **Warnings:**_ Kiefer is _NOT_ amused. And happiness is a warm gun... or, in Kiefer's case, a B-Knight fully loaded with munition if someone is stupid enough to threaten his little wife and their two cute little kids.

* * *

Ministry of Magic (England)

Remind me _, who_ exactly was _idiotic_ enough to push me through the Veil, claiming that I was a Dark Lord and thus a candidate to continue that little splash of terror a certain V person rained upon your foolish heads for... oh, I don't know, _sixteen_ years?

In case you didn't get the memo, it was you, you idiots, and now you expect me to just return back to you, all happy and grateful that you deigned to grant me the _honor_ of being one of the chosen ones to _repopulate_ your dried out, IQ-lacking gene pool?

 _I don't think so._

In fact, I am inclined to _celebrate_ your decline in successful repopulating of your numbers with so-called 'fresh blood'. But in your case, being _'fresh'_ is a misnomer, because even a sewage water would be better, not to mention safer, to consume - than your plain unfiltered shit you are trying to sell to the masses under the guise of the Repopulation Act you are trying to conduct with people who are firstly, _NOT_ your citizens and secondly, _already_ have spouses and children on their own.

But just in case you have failed to comprehend the main point of this missive: _I. Don't. Have. Magic._ At least not anymore. So, from this viewpoint, I am already completely useless to your oh-so-vaunted breeding program. Because that is what it is, when you tear away all those fancy names you have girdle onto the subject. And second. _I. Am. Already. Married._ To the most beautiful stubborn, loveliest and cutest woman in the world. I am one hell of a lucky bastard that she deigned to choose me out of all people, despite everything I've done. Ogata Rin is my sun, my reason for living, my universe, along with her babies. Yes, we are having twins.

In case you are trying to get any stupid ideas (aka kidnapping my children to use them for your own greedy means), let me _dissuade_ you from them. Me having no magic doesn't mean I am incapable of finding and annihilating you. You think certain V was _bad_... well, me on a B-Knight is even _**worse.**_

(Not to mention what would've _Rin_ done to you if you tried to separate her from her little bundles of sunshine.)

Leave us _alone,_ and your little world will remain standing.

Insist, and I've no qualms _whatsoever_ to make it crash and burn around your ears.

Ogata Kiefer (Formerly H. J.P.)

* * *

I've heard about your little letter. I am warning you, keep away from Kiefer's family. If you ignore this warning, I will do everything in my power to dissuade you from your attempts with _lethal_ force.

Okakura (Goblin)

* * *

 _ **Afterword:**_ Rideback universe collides with Harry Potter one. Kiefer, formerly Harry Potter, is salty as hell with Ministry's unwanted interference about his procreating duties toward them, after they had doomed him to one-way trip through the Veil. (Yes, he still endured the GGP shitstorm and is now more or less a Squib considering the said one-way trip. That doesn't mean he is helpless, though.)

After Rideback had played out, Kiefer stayed around because of his interest in a certain girl who rode the red Rideback, and five years later, they got married. (Rin is still dancing and teaching children how to dance, though.) Kiefer accepted her surname because legally he was without his own surname, so to speak. They got two bundles of joy, named Okakura as their godfather, much to a certain Goblin's horror (Exponential Trouble, considering both Rin's and Kiefer's propensities to get into trouble anytime, anywhere.) and the rest of the cast's glee.

Meanwhile, Ministry of Magic noticed the decline in birth rates and they had the bright idea to make use of the exiled Harry Potter, now Kiefer.

Well. Not one of their brightest ideas…


	19. ALDNOAH ZERO - Inaho and Slaine

_**Disclaimer:**_ I said NO - I don't own the books or the anime or their characters. I am just playing with what-if universes at my leisure.

 _ **Shout Out:**_ _**ALieZ.**_ Look up that song from ALDNOAH ZERO and yes, here we go. The newest culprit for this one. I frankly _despised_ the ending of that anime, because Slaine truly didn't deserve that kind of pathetic ending. And I wanted to shake out Inaho out of his own block-headed, overly strategic mind for once. He's human, right? Not a robot, right? _/Is feeling insecure/_ Both Bat and Orange could be the best buddies if together considering one is overly emotional and other overly logical.

* * *

Ministry of Magic, England.

I am simply _amazed_ at your persistence with hounding after me ever since I've taken up Luna's request to hunt for a Crumple-Horned Snorkack. And before you say they don't exist, they do - so yes, Luna got it right and everyone of you got it wrong.

My amazement is only eclipsed by my _irritation_ at your sky-high levels of _stupidity_. Marriage Law _, really?_ Do you really take human beings for animals, for you to decree who to or not to mate with in order for you to repopulate your citizens? Why don't you raise slaughterhouses and kill us for meat if you are already at that stage?

Oh, never mind that last question. For all I know you'd take it seriously enough to actually _do_ it, considering your collective IQ level is below zero. It's apparent from your harebrained scheme that you do not even take in account the free will of the people in question.

But you wouldn't know what the free will means even if it bit you in your collective asses, slapped you around with a rotten fish and danced naked in the middle of Winzegamot, would you?

As for your _kind_ offer, you can fuck off with it and feed it to Dementors for all I care. I don't have any intentions to return back to you moronic society - not now, nor ever, and I am in no way, shape or form obliged to fullfill your sick fantasies of having more anti-Dark Lord baby soldiers.

Try to force the issue, and I reserve the right to _**kill**_ anyone you send after me in order to realize that imbecilic Marriage Law of yours.

Consider yourself warned and kindly piss off,

Electra (formerly Jasmine Potter)

* * *

Ministry of Magic, England

You don't know me, and I don't know you. But that is not important. I've noticed that you've taken the liberty of threatening Amber, and that just won't do.

Even if Amber didn't tell you, I along with Bat intend to court her into marriage. Of course, she doesn't know that _yet,_ but the plans are already set in motion.

The Empress already approved of our marriage proposal to her, though I think she was more than slightly shocked at our decision of joint spouse.

So kindly cease and desist sending her these notices.

However, if you insist on making yourself a nuisance, both Sleipnir and Tharsis have their weapons at ready to annihilate your society.

Sincerely,

Kaizuka Inaho.

* * *

You utter _fools._

I don't have Orange's frankly _inhuman_ patience to be polite with you. But you just _had_ to be assholes and insist on taking her away from us. Away from _me._

Amber is an angel. Fiery, and beautiful and her voice is just...She saved us at our darkest, deepest hour, when everything seemed lost.

Because of her Terra and Vers are at peace. Honestly, I want to laugh to death at your little threat of taking her away from us - both Terran and Vers forces would fight you tooth and nail - never mind the civilians - for trying to take away their Songbird.

And for you to treat her like cattle, a disposable, saying that her sole worth is in birthing the next generation at your leisure, having been bred by that _excuse_ of a man you chose for her, is utterly _despicable._

I have never been more ashamed to be Terran like I was when I have read your missive. I am doubly grateful that Terrans up until now outright _lacked_ Aldnoah, if having it mangled your cognitive functions into issuing such an uninformed and unethical decisions besides forcing them onto wider population without their express consent.

Try _anything_ , and I don't care you are a space and time away - I will take up arms in Tharsis, and Bat would undoubtedly join me in his Sleipnir. That said, one last warning. Amber is ours, our beloved, our wife, our mate-to-be, and hopefully the mother of our children.

And if you still do ignore all the warnings listened therein, the entire Terran-Vers Alliance would be the _last_ of your worries.

Regards,

Count Slaine Saazbaum Troyard

* * *

 _ **Afterword**_

After war, Electra (Always-a-Girl!Harry) took Luna's little dare/request and went on search for Crumple-Horned Snorkack with her. Long story short, those little beast exist and have their special magic (of course, Luna knew about it, but didn't tell Electra beforehand, because she has Seen it was needed to be done).

Electra ended in future, the ALDNOAH branch of it anyway. After playing an amnesiac and taking up name Amber (means the same as Electra), she took to singing on the streets to get money for food. Her hobby, unknown to her relatives, was listening to songs and singing them. Because of her voice having been influenced by Fawkes' tears, she was nicknamed a Songbird. She took to evading authorities, not that it was hard to do, what with the Invisibility Cloak that somehow managed to survive the trip into the future.

Because of her beautiful singing, she becomes curiousity for both Terran and Vers forces when Vers attacks Terra. Kaizuka Inaho is also fascinated by her, she is a strange girl who takes risks to help others and then vanish off to who knows where, like a ghost. Slaine is struck - deeply- by her singing (we are talking by that marshmallow version of Slaine, one who wasn't betrayed yet), and he sneaks on Terra to find her in earnest. When he finds her it's by chance, and not because of singing.

Both of them are fascinated by the green-eyed spitfire, even if they do conceal their identity, not that it helps them much... because, you know, technology. (Amber knows who they are because Terran forces broadcast Inaho as hero, and Slaine is a Count. 'Nuff said.)

But as the conflict is nearing its final conclusion, Electra gets increasingly agitated that both of them are so secretive. She is frustrated with those two numbskulls and the situation as a whole, because they are so ... stupid! Boys! Electra doesn't know why do they irk her so much, aside their idiotic heroics and being their dumb-ass selves, but she doesn't want either of them to die, becasue they are her precious friends.

She vanishes off to some island, much to Slaine's and Inaho's concern, and the only thing that keeps them going are her songs coming through Terran radio system. Not that they know she is the one behind singing them.

(A hidden secret of entire Vers army - they pressed their communication experts - not that it was hard to do that - to hack into Terran frequencies solely in order to listen to the so-called Songbird. Their second hidden secret is that they have a standing order to capture Songbird alive if possible and deliver her back to Mars.)

In their last battle both Slaine and Inaho end washed up at the same beach where Electra hid herself, not that she knew of it. She is singing to herself thinking of both of them and they can't help but be shocked and spellbound that their Amber is the infamous Songbird.

(For all interested, I imagine for that scene the song _**Sen no Kotoba wa/1000 Words**_ from Final Fantasy X-2 being sung here. Listen to either English or Japanese version, I preferred English one there better.)

Someone, however, had a bright idea to tag Amber with a recording orb - and both Terrran and Vers forces are treated to a show. It could be considered that this was the song that officially ended the Terran-Vers war.

Both Slaine and Inaho are surprised that both of them know Amber, but they reach a hidden consensus - hidden from Amber, anyway - that they won't fight over her - not when she is practically crying and laughing with the relief at the same time while she's in both of their arms.

(Amber still thinks of them as friends. However, both Slaine and Inaho are done for, falling for her ever since the day they first met and chased after her.)

Empress is honestly taken aback that both of the main spearheads of their respective armies are gunning for the same girl, but can't help but help them because she is a romantic little soul like that and she also likes Amber for her fiery spirit and the ways how she deals with both of boys. It's kind of entertaining seeing both of them mooning after her, with Amber still thinking they are just close friends...

(You can imagine the letter from the so-called Ministry of Magic calling Amber back to do her duty to her people by helping to repopulate their numbers is the one that breaks camel's back with regards just how patient are both Inaho and Slaine about tell ling Amber their feelings.)

(Both boys saw Amber in a mighty snit, stole the letter that caused her ire, read it and then wrote their own missives before sneaking them along Amber's response to the idiots, not that she knew of it.)


	20. Claymore - Isley

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the characters

 _ **Shout Out:**_ Nothing says **_no_** like a pretty boy with the ability to change into ten meters (32,8 feet) tall centaur-like monster at a whim.

* * *

England's Band of Merry Fools

I would've pitied you for your lack of manners and your oversight of such an important manner as continuation your species certainly is, but I cannot be bothered to feel any empathy about your plight.

Surely, you are now accusing me of being a monster and a lawbreaker in your eyes.

Guess what _, I don't care._

But what I _do_ care about, is that you are trying to take my beloved Hazel away from me and trothing her to some slobbering idiot that would use her for his pleasure as a brood mare, her coffers of gold and her high status in your society.

I have done you a _service_ and used the fool in question as a warning to you and everyone else who dares to even _think_ that they are worthy of being mates to my Queen. The House of Lestrange had been given an extremely... thorough _pruning,_ which was, in my opinion, long overdue for them. And if any of you dare to be presumptuous enough to try and take Hazel to warm your bed without her consent again... Rabastan Lestrange's end will be regarded as a _child's play_ when I am finished with you.

I've been courting Hazel for long time and last year she finally consented to be my Queen. You are fools for demanding of your people to breed at your will, and twice the fool to demand _her_ , a _married_ woman, to acquiesce to your ill-begotten plan.

In conclusion, your missive was a waste of paper and time, both on your and my side.

Your lives are worth less than nothing in my eyes - but for Hazel's sake, I hope you heed my warning to stay away from my wife and exclude her and any children we may have - out of your hare-brained plan.

If you don't heed my warning, I don't mind using my Awakened form to _retaliate_ and cull your already shallow pool of marriage candidates even further.

Isley the Silver King and husband to Hazel Potter

* * *

 _ **Afterword:**_

Hazel (Always-a Girl! Harry) had found something else in the Forbidden Forest - some kind of a statue the Centaurs were jealously guarding since times immemorial. Nobody knows how or when that obsidian-like statue came to be, but the fact is, it's here and Centaurs regard it as some kind of a predecessor or forest guardian.

Thing is, the 'statue' is not exactly that, but a certain Claymore locked in time and place by a whim of fate. (Nobody can say this certain Claymore truly died under the onslaught of Abyss Feeders, anyway.)

Hazel's magic apparently works to restore the 'statue' to its sense and unlocks it from its stasis. So grudgingly, Centaurs allow Hazel to be there to speed up the process, so to speak.

Isley slowly regains his senses and Hazel's magic also helps with his recovery, slow and painful as it is, and when he finally awakens from the stasis, she is not afraid of him in his Awakened state. He slowly becomes her go-to confidant, even if he is forced to stay at the side for most of the time of Hazel's adventures in Hogwarts. Hazel's friends, Hermione and Ron, don't know about him, even if they think her strange to visit Hagrid as much as she does.

The things come to a head when the tree of them go to the quest to gather the Horcruxes, with Isley unknowingly following them, surprising Hazel when she is alone (Ron had done a runner and Hermione and Hazel were separated in the mess). Hazel is surprised that this... pretty white-haired boy-toy is actually Isley, until he convinces her with telling her some tidbits only both of them know about each other.

Isley acts as her shield, transportation (can change sizes,) and bodyguard, even if Hazel herself is no slouch in that department either - especially when it came to 'educating' Isley about local fast food, cars, and other strange modern world wonders in order for them to stay ahead of the pursuers. Isley is not happy to have Hazel go into the Forest for that last mission aka dying, while she shoos him off to help the castle's defenders.

People are certainly scared stiff when the Centaur King appears in his monster shape, mowing the enemies left and right with an ease that is terrifyingly efficient - only for the 'monster' to change the shape into a smaller, more human one and literally snog Hazel senseless after the battle has ended.

People are shocked, and some (Ron and Draco) are furious, but nobody dares to do anything to offend Isley, considering they had seen just how ruthless he could be on the field.

This is the beginning of their (Isley and Hazel's) relationship, before not so bright bulbs in the Ministry of Magic do the census and conclude that yep, re-population has to be done ASAP and Do The Stupid, aka try to force people into Ministry – arranged marriages.

Suffice to say, Isley is Not Happy, because Ministry is already treading a thin line as it were. He is also extremely possesive of Hazel, so what makes the fools think he would concede to them in any way, shape or form?

* * *

(Did you know that Hazel tree is thought to represent wisdom, inspiration, healing and magic?).


End file.
